Today I Was Told To Watch A Movie, Go Shopping, Or Do Nothing

And of course I get this AFTER I turn down my mother's offer to take us out to a movie...
I tried to sit in on my bed and do nothing. I failed. I couldn't do it, instead I got up and started CLEANING. Ugh, my room is clean now... it disgusts me. I kept wanting to get up and do something. I haven't meditated, or had the need to, in such a long time I can't seem to empty my mind anymore except for when I'm sleeping! Even then my mind is so active.
Last night I had a dream that I was fighting rabid bunnies off of a life raft. My life raft was neon green...
I listened to Contagious by Avril. I ended up playing it several times and dancing alone in my room in my shirt and undies. Yay!!! Oh cmon like you haven't done it before...
I listened to Color Everywhere, by Christian Bautista, and remembered all the moments that we've listened to that song together.
I listened to Ocean Avenue by Yellow Card. I absolutely love that song. It was the song I sang over and over on my way home from his house. He didn't know that before, and If he's reading/read this now he does!
Now I'm listening to Casting Crowns. BEST. WORSHIP. MUSIC. EVER.
-ahem-
So my question for today is : It is father's day, I should appreciate my Daddy. He's at work. WHY?!
Went to church today, praised that father (which in another topic I should remember to write about but If I do now I'll lose focus) and today my Daddy is at work. Why is life so easy for others? And hard for the rest? Why has my family fallen so far from the upperclass nationally known family we had once been? Now we're just another family in another american town. True we are far better off then so many others, but within my own conditioning I am used to so much more. I feel bad for my future husband, he has to support my wants and desires as to what I am accustomed to. Despite the fact that my family has lived in the states for seven years now we are still accustomed to keeping up the appearance of being a well off family to society. I'm sure the rest of my father's family sees us as poor. It's not my fault my father and mother didn't go begging to my grandmother for money like one of his elder brothers did. I said nothing. My mother's family on the other hand sees us as their support too. We help provide for my mother's mother, and my older brother. Of course they help support themselves, but we do what we can.
I wish that my father could afford a house, so that my grandmother and my brother could finally join us, and my mother could be happy that she is with her family too. I wish that he had more days off besides thanksgiving and christmas. I wish he didn't leave early in the morning, and come home late into the night. I feel so selfish for wanting all the things I do, and for having the lifestyle that I'm accustomed to. I feel so selfish, and spoiled. gah! I hate that about me.
Haha! My thoughts have brought me to this, and today he told me to spoil myself! Not directly but indirectly. Now I'm just feeling... Confewzzled?

E-bil. I like that word. Are there any cute words you like?