Twisted Fate

All of the "should have"s, "would have been"s, and "could possibly still be"s buzz in my head from time to time. I can't help but wonder and think and dream...

It's strange to think that you are over a break up, but still feel affection for the person. I am not one who hates and is spiteful, and pushes away all the bad memories. I will look on those memories and smile. I  have lost too many good friends, and too much precious time, in hate, and trying to use anger to forget love. Why would anyone wish to forget love? That is a better question.

It is strange to see that a relationship, not even nescessarily romantic, that has lasted years to dissipate in a matter of seconds, and soon that person is just another face in the crowd. Perhaps it is a face who's person's intimate details you are aware of, but that fact is pushed into the dark recesses of the mind so that we might not feel pain at the loss. We as human beings, creatures of a loving nature, could we not still remember the pleasant memories and not feel pain? Why is it so strange for me to smile at the memories? Why do others think I must stop reminiscing? I remember all of those memories and I can smile.

Love. Faith. Hope. I live my life by these things.
Faith in God, and in others as well as an innate good. Hope that all of the things I believe in are truly good. Love, because without it the other two might as well be dust in the wind.

At one point in time you and I were inseperable. People argue, but if they were able to be friends before, why can't we be that again?

I Want You Back

I realized I never said those words to you in my letter; the only form of communication you and I have had since the us became the you and the I. I wondered why, it was the truth and now still is. I love you, and I want you back in my life. I have to have you back in my life. I need you in my life, because without you I'm lost. Then why didn't I tell you?
I was afraid that you wouldn't want me back too. I didn't want to hear the truth, and now here I am doing what I can to get what I want, when I should be happy if you're happy. In a way I am, but I also want us to be happy together. Now after typing that I only feel so selfish, but it's true that I want you back. I'm being honest here. I was happy to hear that you actually took the time to read my letter at new years. Thank you for that. Thank you for not shutting me out then.
Today I couldn't help but smile and be happy. I remembered all of our happy times together, and I would laugh. You made comments in english that made me laugh and smile, and roll my eyes. In a good way mind you. I didn't roll my eyes because I thought you said something stupid... I rolled my eyes because it was just very you to make that comment.
Today I thought about Russia. The messages you sent me on facebook, and their ridiculousness. How hard that trip was for me. How just as if I had never been gone, I left Mr. Morgan's classroom after zero period, turned left, went around the building, and saw you. How I smiled, and ran to hug you. How you caught me. How I cried because I missed you. When I told you how ridiculous I felt for crying. I hadn't realized how much I missed you until I finally saw you. I remember how you told me how lost you felt without me around. Today I experienced that. You have always been my constant companion, and I never really noticed it until you were gone.  I miss my best friend.

I am afraid about being pushed away from you, but at the same time I know I will have to be honest with you if I am to have hope.

This Blog

This blog feels like a fail blog right now. I feel like we need to actually do something with it, spice it up a little somehow. But of course, this is just me being me, I always want there to be something more than there is, but that’s alright. Eventually we are going to actually do something different to this blog.

There was something that I wanted to talk about, but I just can’t remember what.

Oh yes, you. You, who I will not name. You, who will probably never read this. You, who has confused me to no end for the last while. You, who said things to me and talked to me about certain things that just can’t happen. Yet, you talked about them anyway. You are going to come and visit me this summer, you have promised me that much. But of course, you have decided on the Navy. Why the Navy? I don’t think that you remember, but I do. I remember the day you told me that if I told you not to go to the Navy, you wouldn’t. I told you not to. You told me you wouldn’t. But I don’t think you remember, and I do not want to remind you, because I can’t pretend anymore. You have her and she has you, and I am going to be happy for you for it, because I know that it’s what you would do. And if anything, I should be able to know you as happy right? But still, you confuse me. You talk to me in a way that you always have. But in a way that shouldn’t be, because you have her. You shouldn’t be talking to me that way anymore. It just makes things that much more difficult on this end. And even though I am venting to you, I know that you won’t read this, because I don’t think you know of the existence of this blog. But if you did, then you would know. You shouldn’t be acting the same way.

However, who am I to say anything? Sure I say it, but do I really want it? Or do I want to pretend that it still is the way it was before, even though we both knew that we have our own lives to live? Either way, I do know something. I like the way you talk to me. Even though I shouldn’t. Even though none of this should have happened from the beginning. But I know, that I am still glad it happened. They say that you can never regret something that once made you smile. Well, this still makes me smile, so I guess that it qualifies for the same thing. I remember when I told you that even when I didn’t want to, you always made me smile, and you still do, and I don’t want to. I find that interesting.

I am probably in an unhealthy place, but that’s okay, because even though I say all of this, I know better. I know better than to think that anything we have said can become anything while you are there and I am here. And yet, I am still happy. :)

Happy Birthday

"Happy Birthday! We miss you!"

And it's true. All three of us miss you.

2008: A precious little girl. With the little red patch on her face. A little bit of you and I sown in.

2009: A fragile paper box. Tiny little handmade stars. Beautiful memories with every little fold

2010: Thoughts. Emotions. Love. These words.

I saw him yesterday... and he was either engrossed in the complexity that is a crossword puzzle that he held in his hand, or he didn't want to talk to me. Knowing him it's quite possibly both at once. I wanted to reach out, and hug him like I would have done ages ago... I know it's not too long ago, and yet to me it feels like ages... but I knew it would have been inappropriate. That my feelings would not be reciprocated. I want to say that I know because I am so sure, and yet, I do not know, and the little flicker in my heart called hope wants to say he was holding himself back too. The part of me that always keeps me here on earth though... is telling me just how wrong I am.

I was foolish, and when I was asked to choose, I didn't choose him. I chose someone new, someone fresh, someone who I thought wouldn't give me the tumultuous life that I had lead with today's birthday boy. I was so wrong, and now it's too late to fix the mistake I made. All of the hurt I did to someone I honestly loved. Still love. I promised him that I would always love him, no matter what happened. It's true though, I do still love him. The one promise I have honestly kept with him. The rest I can't go back and fix either. So many mistakes to such a jewel, that I didn't realize I had. Perhaps he was right. Sometimes the girl has to do the chasing. Especially when she doesn't deserve the man she chases. A man shouldn't chase a girl who doesn't deserve him ever. All of the things society and chivalry say that a man should do for a lady, should also be reciprocated.

So now, because anything else would be inapporopriate. These words are my birthday gift to you this year.

I'm so sorry for everything. You were right all along, and you didn't deserve the abuse I put you through. You didn't deserve, the fighting, the arguements, the unreciprocated love. You didn't deserve the pain I put you through. You didn't deserve the confusion, any of it. You still don't. All of the mistakes were my own. You were never at fault. You still aren't. I miss you. And despite all of the broken promises to you, I have kept one. I love you.

Giggly Tidbits

He. Me. Laughter. Right now it is unexplainable. That, and I feel like a foolish giggly girl. Is it not possible for me to simply spend time with a friend of mine, who is of the opposite sex, and not feel so giggly?
Yes. I know they exist. I have several of them, but why now? Why while I'm healing? Healed. To be truly healed though, I must be healed for a span of time... So I may be healed, but I am still healing. I was hurt. I had been hurt. He asked about it... and tried to make me feel better about it all.
We talked about the nonsensical... And I wanted to be close to him. I liked being close to him. It was not instant attraction. It is not even strong attraction... and yet I was. Why? How? Just a thought.  A tidbit. Am I alone in this? Is it just me? Please tell me I'm not the only one who has thought this before.
He was so changed from my memory... And that was only two years ago. He has lost that squishy teddy bear look to him, and now... He is growing into a young man... More then that, a young gentleman. He is taller, leaner, his face elongated.
What did he see when he looked at me? Had I changed? It may feel like it was long ago when we met, but in the terms of a lifetime, it was just a blink of an eye...I wonder what I look like now, to those I haven't seen in the longest time... What do they think of me?
Or am I still that child? Am I still that loud little girl? I don't feel as if I have changed... I rather feel that I am very much the same.

Tustin Beat Foothill at 9:11 P.M. on 9/11

One sleepless night
Two boxes of tissues
Three friends shoulders
Four good cry sessions
Five times trying to suck it up
Six packets of pancit canton
Seven filipino hot dogs
Eight times an article read over
Nine attempts to begin homework
and Ten thoughts of feeling sick tired and sorry for myself,
the usual, stereotypical of the event thoughts for a girl ran through my head,
Why me? Why now? Why so sudden? etc etc etc.
but I also couldn't help but think the (also kinda sorta stereotypical)
What happened to forever? What happened to us? Why couldn't we work it out? Why aren't I trying harder? Why do i feel like he's giving up on me? even worse on us...?
I wandered out into the dark last night and cried. I cried my heart out alone in that cold dark, night. I sobbed, lying on wet grass. Eventually a friend found me, and made me laugh, but I still don't feel any better.
What happened to trying to work it out together? What happened to trying to pull through it all? What happened to loving me, and not wanting to hurt me? What happened to all of that?
I won't get sleep for a little bit of time, and we may have to buy more tissues than we used to, but... but what. what's the bright side in all of this?

The worst part of all?
That i won't die of broken heart syndrome, and don't have the guts to do anything else.
Hey my heart is pretty weak, maybe it'll shatter into as many pieces as I feel like it is right now.
The worst part is that I won't die, or waste away, now matter how hard I cry, or how much I want to disappear.
The very very worst part is that I'll be okay...
(heart screams out: yup, i'll be okay in months... years... decades... CENTURIES. -_- )

Wise Wildcats

We never played this game when we were young. It intrigues me to see the change. To feel the change is even odder. Dodgeball. My team is losing, but I enjoy it. the revelry of being with those you had once known. To see the traits that had once been in each of them. The trait is still there but it has changed. Evolved. We are all the same, but we have changed. I have no other way to explain it. I am sorry for him. I miss him. Somehow I feel like this is what I have to do. He will be better off without me. He will survive, most likely even thrive. I just shouldn't have told him before he left. That is my only regreat
15:45
A part of me whishes that maybe... Perhaps this is just a hope, but maybe that he will fight for me. Though I also hope he will have finally given up on me.

Morning After Pill

I am worried about him. this morning I have realized that I do not remember (or think I have ever known) the reason why he's so distraught. This past night I spent an hour trying to remember Somewhere Over The Rainbow. I failed. TJ is the one who brought Ryan to the forefront of my thoughts. He is worried too. I enjoy playing piano now. Even if I'm terrible at it.

Nightly Rambles

I told him in a few minutes I would follow him to dreamland. For the first time in a long time i've lied to him. I'm not following him. I... my mind had been at a time of happiness in my life. When I tried to share it with him... he was crying. Again he wasn't talking to me or with me, but rather at me. I could neither hear him, or understand him. He dragged me back into the present. He was the one who felt like, crying, now it's me. I'm not though thankfully. what would Mr. Richardson have said? Now he was a teacher who truly cared about all aspects of his students' lives. I feel torn. I am in two dimensions of time. The happy parts of my past, and the present. That amazing fourth grade class, and the person who I have loved so much, who minutes ago was crying at me. Perhaps time apart will be good for us. I'll answer when he needs me, but this weekend I need to disconnect.
Right now I love him, but there is a negative feeling there and I have no name for it.

I also doubt I will actually disconnect

So It's Just Right

So today again I had another fantasy. Riding away and perhaps he'd follow. No of course not, now why would that happen? So no fairy tale story for me. I think that I am totally okay with that. No, rather I know that I am absolutely totally okay with that.
Today I ditched school. Nothing too treacherous, especially since honestly nothing really happened in my classes.
I spent the day with Ryan. The day before his graduation. Yay. Graduation. My man is becoming an adult. I'm getting ready for my courses at IVC. Somehow, for some reason, today was so right. I left Ryan's place early, his mom was coming home, and then I went to Maki Yaki. I had one serving of California rolls, with my side of sumi salad. Water was good. It was all good and delicious. Now I'm watching Hoodwinked, which is just an awesome movie. It brings so much reality into a fairy tale, and it's STILL a fairy tale. I adore it.
I spent a lot of time with him today. I can smell him on my skin.
Tomorrow they all graduate. Tomorrow he leaves for a couple weeks. Today he packs. Today he and I were together one more time. One last time for a long time. Last night we talked on the phone. Last night I cried and he was cold. Last night for once we worked a problem out together.
Right now I'm thinking of the things I have left to do, and I'm looking at all the things around me. No matter how odd today may have been, it was so right.
On top of all that I played Tomorrow from Annie on the piano as well as the one song that's all, "Somewhere, over the rainbow..." Oh yeah. Somewhere Over The Rainbow...
I took that video there just last week. Look at how blissfully happy we are. Were. I'm sure we'll still be wonderfully happy. I took that video to preserve a memory, when I started taking it I had initially just wanted a recording of his smile, and that's just what I got. Isn't he just the best?
I think he is so THERE.

Flannel Shirt That Is Now A Jacket

Today was the last day for seniors at THS. Everyone rejoices because it is the last day of school. The seniors especially, they don't have to return, they are entering a new phase in their life. They continue on to a new chapter, and ending this one. This crazy one called highschool, the life of a teenager, youth, what adults all say they want to go back to, and they are happy that it's over. Graduation is a day from today, and I am not strong enough to go.

I'm not strong enough to see the people that I've spent the past school year getting to know, getting to love, move on. I know this might seem selfish, or self centered, but all I can think of is that they're leaving me behind. That I'm left here with few friends. True to some I have many friends, but for some insane reason unknown to me I feel so alone.

I didn't know what to write in Ryan's yearbook. I've broken up with him... because I couldn't bear having to say goodbye, so instead I said it earlier? I see no logic in it either. During break today I was laughing with my friends. Something clicked in my mind, and I realized that next year I will be alright. I will have friends, I will be distracted, and I will forget those who have comforted me so much in the past year. The ones who are gone.

Ryan said he knows that I will be alright without him. Somehow I can't imagine it, though I have caught glimpses and I know I will be, I don't wish to admit it. For once in my life I'm stubborn, I don't want change anymore. I didn't know what to write in his yearbook because I don't know how to say goodbye.



I took his flannel shirt from him, though he uses it as a jacket, during lunch.

Today he was wearing somethign terrible! The black shirt that I really like, beneath some plaid-ish black and grey polo shirt and then THIS flannel shirt over it all. Worse part is the flannel shirt and the polo are very similar colors, therefore they clash! Absolute fashion faux paus. The most wonderful part of it all is that he did it on purpose. It's so wonderfully Ryan.

During fifth period after lunch, Theatre, I told Kuya Jonathan that I just might keep this jacket for myself because it's ugly, it looks bad on him, and I like it.

Then the bell rings, I rush off to Tennis, I change, and stuff the shirt into my locker deep in the girl's locker room where he cannot reach it! I see him, I hug him, I say hello. I see his best friend, scream "Urian!" In my little voice run over to him and kiss him on the cheek. Oh he reminds me so much of Manong Anton. Ryan asks if he can have me. Then straight out if we can go out. Be together. Officially a couple. Again. Then in my little way I dart about him weaving in and out of the spaces made by his arms and body. Laughing and asking him why I would do that? It's summer! I'm sure I made no sense. I was dodging.

Urian just wanted him to get his jacket back. I said no, and ran off to tennis. There was another small little (I don't want to say heart attack but one of my little heart problem things) and all I wanted was for him to hold me tight. Practice finally ends, I've been so nervous with no one to hold on to while my heart is pounding away furiously and all of those damned needles in my chest that my nails are bitten again... and he's gone ofcourse.

I was dodging. How I had wanted to say yes and scream it to the world. In breaking up with him though. In removing the fact that we had been an official couple, I've pushed him away a little bit, and I'll cry that much less when it finally hit's me that I don't belong in his world anymore, and he doesn't belong in mine.

I love this flannel jacket though. It means eventually again our worlds have to collide so that he can come and get it. To see him again I'm putting all of my hopes on one jacket...shirt...thing.

That was not as strong an ending as I had hope for.

It's The Trivial Thing.

The holiday season comes to a close.
A new year begins.

I look back at the past and realize how many changes I went through. How many masks I had to put on to try and find out who I am, and if I could be accepted.

What a stupid stupid thing to do.

My friends back then would have accepted me for who I am. Well... Who I was.
I had a friend back then too who would have accepted me for who I am, but I never saw her as important... Now. Well. I don't know if I could live without her. I'd die from everything pent up inside of me if it weren't for her. I thank her in every way possible. We're so different, we're on absolutely different path's for life. Yet... She mean's the world to me, and I'll admit I'd be jealous if she got close with anyone else but me! We've been friends for so long, but only now we're realizing just how much we need each other.

I've had so much heartbreak. I've fallen in love. I've been confused and unsure of myself. At one point I began hurting myself. It took a long break, and meeting someone really special to realize that. While my heart is still on the mend, I've found someone to protect my heart while it heals. Someone who I know would never break my heart. Someone who cherishes me more then I cherish him. We bicker sometimes as to who loves each other more. Well, we used to. Now though we've decided that we love each other equally at an amount that shoots past the very edges of space and time, but he's loved me longer. He has always loved me longer.

Well now. There is something that I really must wright about. People don't even think twice sometimes about the way they think. The way they see things. People, or maybe it was just me in utter ignorance, only see things the way they see it and don't like to look at anything the other way.I met someone in the past year who opened my eyes. Who changed who I am. Before we go that far back though I'll go back to December only, somewhere in the first half. I was having a pleasant conversation with Ryan. How dear he is to me. Sorry my thoughts wander.
Yes I was talking with Ryan and I forget how this came about...
But I talked to him and I told him.
Because it's true.
Ryan has changed my life in a way that can never be reversed. The things he's said to me, or the unexpected actions he's taken are so unlike to what I had been used to. The way I thought was so different back then, so narrow. All the things he's said to me had always made me think. In doing that he changed who I am. He's changed the way I think, the way I see things, partially a bit in the way I act. Not majorly in the way I act mind you, I will always be me. But he has changed my mind and my view. Taking a quote from Mr. Waldram. He took off my glasses.
I see the world differently thanks to him. Now I know I've become a different person on the inside. I can't say if it's for the better, or for the worse, or in line with what I used to be. I should think I've changed for the better.
He told me that meant more to him then well... You can fill in the blank.

Sometimes in life we ignore these changes in who we are. Sometimes we have those moments. Those moments where suddenly we just understand and we see. Our eyes become open.
It's those trivial things that are important.

The Purpose of Not Existing

If you had $100,000 to give away, to what person(s) or organization(s) would you give it?
(If you were watching the American TV network Fox last night, you know where this idea came from.)

Most likely I would give it to some environmental or educational organization. i know it's not very imaginative but it's what i do. i feel guilty for not saying my parents though. for all that they've done and the troubles that they now face, but maybe that's because i know they can make it. despite what i see as flaws. they have. how can i think of this so simply? when really it's so big. -end of minute-

Two days ago my AP world history teacher just let us sit and chat for the first few minutes of class. Us as students of course were oblivious to what he did, and just ignored him continuing with our chatting. I was gossiping with a wonderful friend, and once that was done I had gone on to read Eragon. (I'm quite embarrassed to admit that I have not read it before, but I finished it yesterday) Next thing I know I hear this odd whirring sound. My eyes flash up from the text in the book to see Mr. Waldram with an electric power drill standing in front of us. We were a bit confused... and as he went on it went from confusing, to annoying, to obnoxious, to just plain the biggest nuisance in the room.
I of course thinking it was pointless, and not understanding how this could relate to World History whatsoever went on to read my book. As I read though I listened. From the drill they talked about power, the power he had over the class. They spoke of modern technology and how we are so attached to it. Of course as our class seems to enjoy teasing Mr. Waldram, and he welcomes it with a smile, they went on to speak of how silly and pointless hit thoughts were. It would be wrong of me to not admit I had parallel thoughts.
As their conversation drew on, it bored me, these thoughts weren't unique at all. I had heard them all before and none gave me much interest, so I continued to read. Then Mr. Waldram took my book. Yes I was upset. Yes I kind of sort have might have sat there glaring at him with my arms crossed. Maybe...
Then I was mumbling under my breath at how pointless it was, and I must have said it loud enough to hear because he encouraged me to go on with that idea.
I talked about the pointlessness of this exercise, and even more the pointlessness of the drill. If I had walked over and unplugged the drill it would have simply been matter sitting there without power or purpose. And of course he asked me to go on. I (still with a frustration in my voice I'm sure) talked about the point of existence and purpose. How some thing exist with the purpose to benefit. While others exist for the purpose of loss and other such nativities and in doing so benefit the world by creating a balance. Do things exist for a purpose? Do things not exist for a purpose? There are so many things we could imagine up and I'm sure more, why don't those things exist? Perhaps them not existing is their purpose. Their purpose is to exist only in imagination... But if an object existed in imagination, does it still exist thought it doesn't exist in a tangible object? Dark is absence of light, and cold is the absence of heat. Then is not believing lack of faith? Is stupidity a lack of wisdom and intelligence? One of my classmates said it was starting to sound like the things I post on my blog. He echoed my thoughts of posting the thoughts I had come up with and smiled to myself.
They went on to talk and I sat there giving up in my frustration of having to speak in circles. If one continues to ask why or what then one will never reach an answer. I thought this was the job of philosophers.
While i mumbled to my friend at how pointless this all was she said to me.

Maybe it's not how you reach a point, maybe it's the way getting there.

If You Had Known What's Happening Now...

A good friend of mine asked me the other day...

If you had known what was going to happen to us, while we were on our first date, would you still have dated me?

I had never thought about this question before so I answered...

To tell you the truth I really don't know.

So then we just keep going along on our way to school, then I decide to ask...

What about you?

Then he tells me...

Yes. You were once essential to my life. Once.

Now at this statement I was quite shocked. To be essential to someone in their life. To be needed? I've never heard someone say that to me before. Perhaps someone to say I've made their life better, or that I have somehow made some difference in their life, but to be truly NEEDED?
So then the rest of the day my mind dwelled on that question, and well, I dwell on it now. He asked me this question wednesday morning mind you, so I have been thinking on it for several days now.
Are essential and needed the same thing though?
And how do you lose the need for someone? Do you avoid it, and fight that need until it simply disappears? Do I need the people in my life now? I have friends who I would go crazy without...without my parents... could I survive? yes. Will I be the person I am now? Maybe not... My sister? Has she made an impact that's necessary?

Why am I thinking of impact now, when I was talking about necessity? Do I need my darling dearest in my life? Does he need me? Did I need the person who asked me this question when he needed me? Even more importantly. Do I need him in the past, to be who I am in the present?
This particular person changed me I know that much.
Maybe everyone comes into your life and makes a difference. They all change you in some way right?
Maybe we need everyone in our lives in the past or we wouldn't be who we are now, but we didn't need them then?
Time is continuous afterall.
Dwell on these thoughts.
Dwell on the orange.
Peel the orange.
Take a slice.
Peel off the covering of that.
Pick apart all the little droplets.
Think about the orange.
And tell me what you find.

You may now continue living your regular lives.

I'm Confused About Who This Poem Is About

he used to make me smile you know...
a sweet gentle smile. not as if i was happy.
yes.. as if i was happy, but the smile he made me do
was different than a normal smile.
i felt calm and peaceful.
he's a moody guy this friend of mine.
He's so much older than me though.
two maybe three years.
his smile was sweet but it made me smile too.
to see him smile like that.
but most of the time he was moody
he would just stare off at the sky
as if.. he thought...
if he kept staring...
he'd be swept away to some far off place.
i think he had been swept off though
lost in his own thoughts.
i remember looking at the stars with him.
smiling at him
talking to him
laughing with him
both of us different from our friends...
different from each other...
but still so much a like.
the way he took care of me.
he made me feel just a little bit more special.
as if sometimes it was only just him and me.
but... after his 4th year. he's going home.
land of the rising sun.
i've always wanted to go there.
maybe i'll go there someday
see him again
laugh with him
talk with him...
he'll probably scold me again
for being so childish and stubborn
but... i think he likes my childlike qualities
and my stubborn attitude.. sometimes...
i just hope that he misses me when i miss him.
sometimes i wonder what would have happened..
if...

Mah Trio. Mah Friends. Mah Guyz. Mah Boyz. Mah memories

My two best friends here in Tustin. They're my guyz, my boyz. They have my back. We're a trio, we're like the three musketeers but one of us is a girl. We're like hewey dewey and lewie together forever but again one of us is a girl. We're that trio you stare at as they walk through the mall because they're laughing so loudly but they don't seem to care. We're those three wierdos at school who are always hugging each other and messing around. We're that trio that asks each other if we look okay and change if we don't. We're that trio that has their own special walk as they go to school, the one that hangs out at each others houses THEN heads to school. We're the ones who can jokingly tease each other and not get upset. We're some of the closest friends you could EVER find... We're starting to split up a little.
Blake and i met during orchestra class in the 7th grade. Quickly i grew to enjoy his company and childish antics. He fell in love with the way i smiled. We slowly begun to know each other, to notice each others antics and how we both joked around. We talked about getting glasses different hairstyles, things i would normally talked to a girlfriend about and thinks he would have regularly kept to himself. We grew a bond of closeness. Rumors started going on that we were going out and we ignored them. When another classmate in orchestra started courting me he warned me about him. When i didn't listen he persisted. When that classmate cheated on me he was there to listen to me and eventually help me get my revenge. We became close friends through the most tumultous part of our lives so far. We're still in the middle of that time but it will pass and hopefully we'll still be friends. His best guy friend moved away to utah and he was heart broken. His new best guy friend is actually a friend i introduced him to and welcomed into our group. he joined the school year mid way but we love him lots. Winter blake and i after a lot of bonding time became a trio and blake and i left our duo memories behind.
Winter joined my core class. I ask him if he'd like to meet my friends or if he wanted to walk around teh school. someone else had offered and he had already accepted. I go to chat with some of my 7th grader friends and winter is sitting alone. I ask him again if he'd like to join us and he accepts. Quickly he's accepted into our very open group. only a week after we meet him we celebrate his birthday as if we had known him since the beginning of the year. winter slowly became the person in our group who was wiser beyong his years, even if he is a month younger than me making him the youngest in the group. He would walk me home then walk to the library, since i live the farthest away from school we would end up alone. We would chat about everything even serious things. he became my second confidante the first being blake. It was all very natural talking to him about things. Some i couldn't but still. Then we became a trio as blake and winter bonded. We would walk to blakes house and hang out then they would walk me home and go back to blake's. Winter caused a bit of a stir in our group by dating two different girls within the group .
one was bi who had a crush on her best friend. i'm sorry if this is getting a little too reality tv for you but it's true. Winter dated her first then the best friend. The group broke up and all that was left was the trio and a few other people who really didn't care.
blake is going to utah this weekend to visit his old best friend and winter might move to alabama. he's not even sure which highschool he's going to. wether it's in alabama, tustin high or irvine. If he moves then we'll have lost our trio and go back to just being a duo. But if we're just a duo again it might be even harder. I'll be spending most of my time in the library, blake and i won't have any classes together except for possibly chinese and p.e. And since i have all honors classes i won't have much time because of homework.
True friends i found at school in tustin, and we might break up. not because we're drifting apart, but because life just isn't fair. In tustin it's hard to find true friends like these two because everyone here is concerned with image and spreading rumors, especially about those people who used to be one of them but chose not to be with them. especially about people who smile all the time. how is anyone that happy? especially about a girl who has two guys as best friends. especially about some wierd guy who's closer to a girl who's a friend than his girlfriend. and especially about some guy who moves randomly around all the time, and is some freak genius. we three don't care we have each other and love each other very much.
being apart from these two and i would fall apart at school. but i'll try, and even if being with blake is going to be hard, even if winter moves away we'll still keep in touch. I love these guys a lot. hey blake winter <3 u guys more and more every day and we'll always be together you know like that song at the end of grease? =p