My Darling Valentine

Do you remember that conversation we had that night? The one that made you cry...?
When I told you that I didn't trust you with how I felt because you had never hurt me before... and it was such a shock to me. I love you, but I didn't trust you. You cried that night, and pushed me away from you because you felt that you didn't deserve me. You cried, and we spent that night together, just the two of us, so that I could show you that I love you. That same night I realized that it would be okay to trust you again. Your remorse seemed so sincere... and I knew I could never be upset with you for long. I love you too much.
Do you remember our first valentine's day? We were hanging out by the pool after school, just relaxing and talking, lingering rather than walking home. Neither of us had valentines, and we were talking about it. You mentioned that you had never had a valentine before. I offered to be your Valentine. Your face lit up and you had me in a hug that was insanely long, tight, and uncomfortable.... I always laugh remembering that day. Every year after that we always had something special to say to each other on Valentine's day. This year? I sang you a song.
I'm sorry for daring to try to love another. I'm sorry for not simply sitting back and enjoying you. I dwelled in the past, and took that into the present thus making it dark and cold with the ghosts, rather than bright and happy like the love in our hearts. The love in my heart.
I gave you that bracelet, that wasn't finished, and you told me it was just like our story, unfinished. Our unfinished story.

I dedicated my song tonight to three types of people.

People who had never been sung a lullaby.
So that you would know that someone loves you. You are not alone. You don't have to build up walls and keep people out. I love you, will always love you, and I will always be here to comfort you when you need it.

People who like to believe that you can love someone forever in just one moment of time.
So that you would remember that moment in the movie theatre, that moment in the car, that moment in the park, that moment by the science building... all of our little moments and infinite amount of forevers.

and lastly...

People who know that even though you've finished a chapter, you still have the rest of the book to read.
So that I could have hope in the words that you yourself said: Our unfinished story. So many times I lose hope, than God reminds me about love and all of our happy times together, and I can smile again because he gives me back that hope. The you of the past gives me back the hope. Love. Your love gives me hope. It has for the past almost-four years, and it will continue to give me hope even when you're not around.

You said you've loved me for all of these years... I said I loved you too.
You said that you loved me even beyond the love of intimate friendship that I had for you and I brushed it off.
I don't believe that you've stopped loving me... I just believe you're hurt. We both are. I still love you though. I'm sorry that you have to feel pain. I would take it all away and carry it all myself if I could.

For you my darling valentine... You may not think you have one, or consider yourself mine, but you are my valentine. The person that I love despite all opposition... the person I love and cherish above all the rest. Happy Valentine's day. I love you, and I promised you I would always love you. You promised you would never forget.

I'll never forget you my valentine.
The one from freshman year, who was so excited and happy to have his first valentine.
The one from sophomore year, who was torn and confused but still willing to love me and let me love him.
The one from Junior year who listened to my stories of travel.
and most importantly the one from Senior year, who looked me in the eyes as we lay under the moon and stars in the dark of night and said, that he would always love me too.

Food

I like food, but then again, who doesn’t? Yes, I am in a random mood, I started a blog entry about food. The problem is that I am rather hungry right now and I am waiting for dinner to be ready. That, and I remembered a topic that came up in my Economics class yesterday. Paulina was talking about food from some food-place (the name is escaping me right now) because of something that Marisa said. She said what she ordered there to share between her and her sister and our teacher was astonished at the amount of food that they ordered. Funny thing is, I can eat more. It was so funny knowing that he was tripping our over something that I knew that I could beat. I would have said something, but instead, I was quiet. I don’t really like people knowing my amazing story of food. Its so bad, I just ate so much that day. Paulina was there. She remembers this day that I am remembering. That is why I don’t eat a lot around other people. I generally only eat a “normal amount” (which is still kind of a lot for someone my size) because people start tripping out and then I don’t want to eat anymore. I actually think that it’s funny.

Well, I want something to talk about other than food, but I don’t think that I have anything else to talk about. I am just that hungry. It’s quite distracting; I can’t bring my mind to think of too much else besides music and food. I guess that’s alright because music and food is all we need anyway. (That was a joke by the way.)

Tomorrow is the first day of Tiller Days! I think I am going to go tomorrow. This will be the second time that I will have gone to Tustin Tiller Days. I went last year and I hope that I have more fun this year. I am actually quite excited about it. It seemed like it would be really fun. The only problem I had was that I didn’t actually go with anyone so once the guys (Nyne) was done and everyone left I was left on my own. That was my cue to leave. This time, however, I am actually going with a group of people, which is something that I have never done in my life, and I am looking forward to it. Either way, I am getting ahead of myself. I don’t really even know if I am going to be able to go. So, we will have to see.

Fairytales...

are lies. They lead children to believe that things that will never happen will. Sure, all these Disney movies are cute, and fun to watch, but they LIE. From the time that all the young are born, they learn and watch fairytale movies and hear fairytale stories. I may have to go out on a limb and say that it can be worse for girls than it is for boys. They show these little girls that 15 and 16 year olds can see a guy and they will fall in love and get married and they don't even have to say a paragraph's worth of dialogue to one another. (I say 15 and 16 because that's actually how old alot of them are.) It's not right. I see my little girl cousins talking about their "Prince Charming" that is waiting for them to grow up some and know that there is no such thing.

I see them believing these lies and even though I know that this won't happen, I have to play along because "it's nice to llet them have something to believe in" (or so the other females in my family say). Well, in my opinion, the only thing that's going to happen is that one day, they are going to wake up and realize that life just doesn't work that way, and they will be heart broken. They are going to realize that in real life, things don't just work out for you.

What are we teaching our children? Of course, all of these movies are adorable and must-sees, if you know better than to believe them, but how do you avoid children believing in things that just don't happen? It's not easy, but I guess I will have to wait and see...

Show Someone You Love Them Today

Right now, this very minute... someone is very proud of you someone is thinking of you someone cares about you someone misses you someone wants to talk to you someone wants to be with you someone hopes you aren't in trouble someone is thankful for the support you have provided someone wants to hold your hand someone hopes everything turns out all right someone wants you to be happy someone wants you to find them someone is celebrating your successes someone wants to give you a gift someone thinks you ARE a gift someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot someone wants to hug you someone loves you someone wants to lavish you with small gifts someone admires your strength someone is thinking of you and smiling someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun someone thinks the world of you someone wants to protect you someone would do anything for you someone wants to be forgiven someone is grateful for your forgiveness someone wants to laugh with you about old times someone remembers you and wishes you were there someone needs to know that your love is unconditional somebody values your advice someone wants to tell you how much they care someone wants to stay up watching old movies with you someone wants to share their dreams with you someone wants to hold you in their arms someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms someone treasures your spirit someone wishes they could STOP time because of you someone can't wait to see you someone wishes that things didn't have to change someone loves you for who you are someone loves the way you make them feel someone wants to be with you someone hears a song that reminds them of you someone wants you to know they are there for you someone is glad that you're their friend someone wants to be your friend someone stayed up all night thinking about you someone is alive because of you someone is wishing that you would notice them someone wants to get to know you better someone believes that you are their soul mate someone wants to be near you someone misses your guidance and advice someone values your guidance and advice someone has faith in you someone trusts you someone needs your support someone needs you to have faith in them someone needs you to let them be your friend

This just might be the longest way that i have ever heard someone say "Someone out there loves you." Everyone has someone like that. Someone who does love us. Wether it's a spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, your parents, your best friends even. We're sourrounded by people who love us and care about us. Some people though are unfortunate enough not to. How a parent couldn't love there child I don't know.
Even in ancient china where girls were considered worthless until they had a son, mothers and fathers cried as their children finally left the family to be married. Even in a place and time where girls were worth nothing they were loved. So how can it be today, where the gender limitations are being broken that so many children are abused, and disregarded? Some children are driven to insanity or have mental disorders because of parents who just didn't care.
If there's someone that you meet, who feels like no one loves them or cares for them, reach out a hand. Tell them that you could be their friend, that you could care about them and love them, if they just give you a chance. Show them that people on earth actually care.

Classic Love Stories Of The Modern Day

Girl: Do i ever cross ur mind
Boy: No
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: Not really
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Choose--me or ur life
Boy: my life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mindThe reason why I don't like you is because I love you.The reason I don't want you is because I need you.The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you.The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

This is the classic love story that gets passed on from teen to teen through blogs, emails, bulletins. We see this same story continually, some different versions but yes. The girl asking the boy questions to prove his love for her adn each time she says no. She runs off crying. He runs after her, grabs her arm, adn gives a long romantic explanation for each one. We pass this story on only becuase... we wish that this would happen to us... and for you guys you wish that you could find a girl who you'd be willing to do this for.we're only teenagers, but we think we know so much about love. What do we know about love really? Only what we see in the movies and what we've read about in books. We've never really experienced that burning love. We feel attraction, a lust. a close bond of friendship. Maybe this is a type of love, but one that we do not exemplify in this classic story.We can't possibly feel that instant love, because there is no instant love. There is instant attraction and instant lust, but love has to grow and be nurtured. That attraction and lust is like seeds. The conversations and time we spend with that significant other is like water and sunlight. The soil in which they are planted is your heart.
The time you spend with that person could be strong, or weak, thus changing the amount of sunlight the seeds get. You're conversations with them could pull you closer or push you farther apart. there is no instant love, how could there possibly be? You can't say you love someone after knowing them for only a month. You could say that you're attracted to them, and that you might fall in love some day, but you can't say that you love them.
I love you are three of the most powerful words in the world. love being the key to their strength. If you say those words though, without thinking, without knowing, just saying them as if they meant something but knowing that they really are empty then... you just shattered someones heart. Even if they didn't love you, they felt like they could love you.
Maybe someday we could feel a burning love in this story that has been continually passed on, maybe we could feel that way for someone someday, not in just a friendly way, or a brotherly or sisterly way, but truly in a way that would make us see a future with someone. but in the mean time let us content ourselves with passing this love story on, let us be happy in knowing that someday we'll get married, have kids... fall in love. let's just continue on through life taking whatever it throws at us, finishing our homework, doing our jobs. Because love will find us someday. Someday it'll find us all...