This Blog

This blog feels like a fail blog right now. I feel like we need to actually do something with it, spice it up a little somehow. But of course, this is just me being me, I always want there to be something more than there is, but that’s alright. Eventually we are going to actually do something different to this blog.

There was something that I wanted to talk about, but I just can’t remember what.

Oh yes, you. You, who I will not name. You, who will probably never read this. You, who has confused me to no end for the last while. You, who said things to me and talked to me about certain things that just can’t happen. Yet, you talked about them anyway. You are going to come and visit me this summer, you have promised me that much. But of course, you have decided on the Navy. Why the Navy? I don’t think that you remember, but I do. I remember the day you told me that if I told you not to go to the Navy, you wouldn’t. I told you not to. You told me you wouldn’t. But I don’t think you remember, and I do not want to remind you, because I can’t pretend anymore. You have her and she has you, and I am going to be happy for you for it, because I know that it’s what you would do. And if anything, I should be able to know you as happy right? But still, you confuse me. You talk to me in a way that you always have. But in a way that shouldn’t be, because you have her. You shouldn’t be talking to me that way anymore. It just makes things that much more difficult on this end. And even though I am venting to you, I know that you won’t read this, because I don’t think you know of the existence of this blog. But if you did, then you would know. You shouldn’t be acting the same way.

However, who am I to say anything? Sure I say it, but do I really want it? Or do I want to pretend that it still is the way it was before, even though we both knew that we have our own lives to live? Either way, I do know something. I like the way you talk to me. Even though I shouldn’t. Even though none of this should have happened from the beginning. But I know, that I am still glad it happened. They say that you can never regret something that once made you smile. Well, this still makes me smile, so I guess that it qualifies for the same thing. I remember when I told you that even when I didn’t want to, you always made me smile, and you still do, and I don’t want to. I find that interesting.

I am probably in an unhealthy place, but that’s okay, because even though I say all of this, I know better. I know better than to think that anything we have said can become anything while you are there and I am here. And yet, I am still happy. :)