I like to look back at all my old blogs. Read them all, read through my words in the past and think of all those old emotions. I have a couple on myspace. I have a couple on here. I have old things I've written that are personal. Well. How come so many of them are so sad? Why do I always write about sad things? Pity, losing love, missing out on something. Pain and sorrow. Even what I'm writing now. It's frustration for not being to be able to write about being happy. Why can't I ever write about happy things? Why can't I ever think of something happy like my friends and keep it that way, and never think of losing them someday or living without them. Why can't I just think about the good things I have now? Why do I always have to be afraid. I keep looking at so many flaws. That is a flaw in itself. See what I'm doing to myself now?
Tell me I'm not alone. Tell me that I'm not the only one who just pretend to see sunshine and rainbows, when all I can see are the rainclouds. I can write so well about my pain. But I can't speak it. I can't vocalize it. I can easily vocalize when I'm happy, but I can never write about it. Maybe I'm meant to work on that. Work on vocalizing my sorrows, and writing and remembering my joys. Maybe that's why I'm made this way. Hey. What do you know. Happy Thoughts :]
4 comments:
You are definitely not alone when one thinks about happiness. Who knows, it might be a common tendency for human beings to conjure up sadness for no apparent reason. Painful thoughts appear and disappear and keeps alternating, that's just how the brain works. Life is ahead of us, and we don't know what our future holds, but there's no reason to not accept what you have as of right now. Like my father used to tell me "humility is one thing that may lead us to happiness." Being humble with yourself and to those around you could take some sadness away but there's no gurantees. Just accept yourself for who you are. I know everything i've just typed in is easier said than done, but there's no harm in trying. Think about it. Just some advice I thought would be best to share.
It's really not difficult. You just have to draw the line from being self-centered to desiring to share happiness. Part of this stems from, quite simply, a lack of gratitude for all the things we do have in life.
We can vocalize immediate gratification, but what about the more long-lasting stuff? That friend who puts up with all your crap. Those flowers that bloom every day to share their beauty. That bed that always sooths you. Those people in your life that you think don't care much about you and still catch you when you fall. You just need to expand your life in the present :)
Everyone gets sad. Sometimes I wonder why I get sad. I just wanna be sad. We live life in a pretend happiness, nothing that is actually real, no matter how many people think that it is real.
It is the way that some people are. We appreciat the world around us, yet, still find something to be sad about. And there is nothing that can be done...
(I feel special, I am the friend that puts up with all the crap...)
I spelled appreciate wrong... QQ
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