Love. Drives. Me. Crazy.

Haha... what is love?



Love hurts. It's cold. It's the most painful thing to ever experience. It's full of betrayals, pains. Believe it or not Love is also full of hate. Love has made me cry more than anything else i've ever experienced. Love is what makes me cry at night. Love is what has made me hate waking up in the mornings. Love to me feels like swords piercing through me over and over. Love makes me feel cold and alone sometimes. Love is what shuts me inside, and makes me hide underneath layers and layers of masks. Love is what makes me stare blankly at a wall sometimes, or makes me stand out in the cold rain. Love is what has driven me to thoughts of suicide. Love is what has made me push others away.

Love. Drives. Me. Crazy.



But Love...Love heals. It's warm. It's the most amazing thing to ever experience. It's full of care,feeling. Believe it or not Love is also indescribable. Love has made me smile more than anything else i've ever experienced. Love is what makes me smile at night. Love is what has made me love waking up in the mornings. Love to me feels like a warm blanket that just envelopes me over and over. Love makes me feel warm and supported. Love is what opens me up, and helps me to expose who I am to others. Love is what makes me interact, or makes me dance in the rain. Love is what has driven me to thoughts of the future. Love is what has made me bring others closer.



I may be young. I may seem enexperienced. But I know I have loved. In many different ways. I no longer try to define love. I no longer try to understand love. I can only try and describe Love. I could never describe love in general though. You'd have to ask about a certain person.

It's like history. History doesn't repeat itself. The Idea's repeat. Similar to the idea of Love. History's details will never repeat ever again. I know this sounds odd, to compare an emotion so complex and so devestating to something so... well. Odd. As History.



It drives you crazy right?



Love is so many different things. Painful and wonderful all in one. At church once during the homily the priest was talking about love. Relationships. In relationships it's balance as well. You have to understand that you have to sacrifice if you expect to gain anything, if you truly want a loving relationship. If you really love someone wouldn't you want to give them the world anyway? Even if it meant a little bit of pain to yourself'? I understand there are lines that must be drawn, but I will open my life a bit to give an example to you.

My family is close to losing our home. Two thirds of our income relies on my father selling cars. Worst of all he sells high class luxury cars. You would think that he makes a lot of money? No. Not with a failing economy that the United States is experiencing now. The other third of our income, my mother, all goes straight to maintaining the house, buying food, and supporting my Grandmother and older brother in the Phillipines. We're... Several thousand dollars in debt with family, so in that way atleast we don't have to pay back interest. We barely make our house payments now. And yet... My father pays maybe two thousand dollars in fees, among other nescessities for what I do just so that I can have experience. So that I can reach my maximum potential. That is love. That is sacrifice. There are greater stories out there that I can tell you.
Greater things that have occured.
When people first think of Love they think of a couple holding hands. Or somethign somewhat related.
When I first think of love... Oddly enough. I think of my parents arguing. That's another story for another day though.