Really At Home

Have you ever just been somewhere and just had that sudden amazing wonderful gush of emotion? You walk off that plane after hours of sitting there, trying to stay up or trying to sleep just to avoid that jet lag? Then when you get off the plane, walk down those stairs and walk out to get your luggage, you see your favorite relative smiling at you on the other side of the gate. You run to see them and you hug them. You're even too happy to be too happy to cry. You're feet are touching on ground that you know all too well and you just know. you can feel that your home, that you're where you're supposed to be. You see all of your favorite relatives when you walk out to the car, you're just too happy to say anything. Last time you were here, you were a little kid, now they're shocked at how you've changed, how you've developed. You just smile to yourself having realized that these are the people you really love the most, the ones you never see, but the ones you know are always thinking about you.
If this ever happens to you the feeling is amazing and wonderful. It's just so hard to explain, but if you have this feeling and then you're forced to leave. Forced to say that last farewell knowing that the next time you're there you'll officially be an adult. Knowing that things will change drastically now, it won't be just how they look but everything will change. The people, the places, everything. The worst part is knowing there's still the possibility of never going back ever.
I miss my family in the phillipines very much and i hold them dearly, im' not worried about them though. My lola is strong and can take care of herself. My brother is learning how to be an adult and he'll get the hang of it soon. My tita susan has always been a strong independent woman who is shameless in who she is. My Manang alex has two amazing friends to take care of her.
I miss the way the stars look at night, even if all the lights in the city are on. I miss laughing with friends in an instant closeness and feeling of affection. I miss the warm and welcoming hospitality.
All i can do is wait for time to pass by and just talk to my dearest friends about how i feel. Maybe a year or so will pass and I won't feel as sad as i do now. I never will truly be happy about not being home, but my friends here are amazing and i know they are willing to try to make me happy.
Kristianna my strong independent friend. A girlfriend who still appeals to my tendency to have guy friends. My tomboyish girlfriend who will always make me smile and who isn't afraid to tell me when i'm wrong.
Katie my energetic sweet friend who will listen to me when i need listening to and who will go to me for advice. My also tomboyish girlfriend who ALSO loves to make me smile.
Winter my smart intelligent friend. A guy who knows he can talk to me, and who i can talk to. Who tells me reality and not some fantasy i dreamed up.
Blake my dearest friend. A guy who even though we're so different never hesitates to make me laugh.
and Ryan reallly and truly a true friend. Who listens to me. and tells me reality but who still listens to my fantasies. Who chose not to judge me while others did. Who is someone i can joke around with.
all these people i can be who i am. and they know who i'm not. I miss my family and my home more than anything in the world, but i think i can make do until time passes by. and my cousin and aunt choose to vacation in the phillipines the same time we do. just wait for time to pass until i can meet up with my cousin, her best friends,and my brother in a bar, and reminisce about when we were younger and shoot down a few martinis.