Stay Positive

I'm trying so hard to be positive. Really I am. I can't right now though. Not when you don't know that I love you. I can't feel positive when I don't have you to talk to, or your shoulder to cry on anymore. I miss your hugs, your laughs, and all those ridiculous jokes. I miss how you would make me feel better when things ended with all those other guys. How you would always try to cheer me up, and make me feel better about the whole situation. You're not here this time. Now you're on the other side. You're the one things ended with and I'm alone with no one to tell me things are going to be okay. I don't know if I'm strong enough for this one. I don't know if I'm strong enough to lose my best friend.
I don't know what else to do or say besides the fact that I love and I am so sorry.
Things changed so quickly that I didnt' even see them coming. It was too short. We were supposed to love each other for beyond forever and now I'm just lost.
I wish you were here at least to hold me while I cried. Instead I type away and get my keyboard all wet and salty because I don't want to write it out. Some strange pitiful hope that you'll read these someday, turn to me and tell me I don't have to worry about this happening ever again. That somehow we can exist again.
Part of me feels like a fool for even thinking such a thing, but the other part of me has to have hope. I have to have hope that the past four years meant something to you and you honestly love me. That your heart keeps no record of wrongs and can forgive me. I have to have hope that you and I can smile together again or else I dont' know what I'll do.
I'm scared, and I'm alone, and all I can do is cry when no one is around.
Scream, cry, and beg to the sky that you hear me. Scream your name into my pillow every night as tears run down my face and whisper that I love you when I can't scream anymore.

Nick, I love you. I miss you, I need you I want you. Be with me, love me, want me too, tell me you miss me too.
Hold me while I cry because I don't want anyone else to. Whisper in my ear that everything is going to be alright. Please tell me that we can get through this because I don't want to, I can't live life without you.