I Am At Peace

I needed that little breakdown I suppose. I needed to breakdown, see how far I've fallen, and then pick myself back up. After hours of reflection, meditation, and prayer, I finally know what I must do and accept it.
I have to love him, if he must see that I do.
I must be patient in waiting for him to be himself. I must be kind in my words and actions even when he's not around. I cannot envy his joy in my absence, or boast about my own. I cannot assume a sense of pride for anything connected to this problem between us. I cannot be rude towards him in the hopes of causing him harm, I cannot attempt to find happinness only for myself, especially if it is to cause him pain. I cannot be upset with him for feeling the way he does. I can't keep a record of wrongs, I must forgive him. I will not delight in this evil between us, but I will rejoice when the truth of love shines through. I must protect him in the few ways that I can, I must trust that for the past four years he truly loves me too, and perservere in my attempts to show him.
I must love him, and hope and pray that God will help me use my love to chip away at all the evil surrounding us. I can't let the devil win this fight, pull me away from my best friend. He's meant too much to me over the years, and God will help me see what is best.

I do honestly feel that this is not our end though. I have love, and therefore I have hope.

I love you Nick. I'll be here for you when you need me, but for now if you are happy without me, I am overjoyed that you are beginning to stand on your own two feet, and finally take charge and be happy with yourself. I am so proud of you.