They don't understand

I was listening to a song right now. It's called "They Don't Understand" The lyrics:

A mother riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring not knowing what she's going through
Somebody said don't you even care?
Do you let 'em do that everywhere?
She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
She said please forgive them
But they've been up all night
Their father struggled, but he finally lost his fight
He went to heaven
In the middle of the night
So please forgive my children

(They don't understand)
Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through
(They don't understand)

A man driving down the interstate
Slowing down traffic making everybody late
Everybody's staring not knowing what he's going through
Somebody honked from the passing lane
Yelling out the window, I ain't got all day
The old man looked around and he caught his eye
He said please forgive me
You know it's been a very long life
My wife has passed away and my kids don't have the time
I've been left all alone
And it's getting hard to drive
So please forgive me children

(They don't understand)
Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up, trying to make a dream come true
(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like their ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you really never know what your neighbor's going through
(They don't understand)

A man hanging on a wooden cross
Giving everything to save the lost
Everybody's staring not knowing what he's going through
Somebody said don't you have a prayer
If you were king, come on down from there
The man just turned his head, looked up and stared

He said please forgive them
For they have not seen the light
They'll come to know me when I come back to life
Go to heaven, to make everything all right
So please forgive your children

(They don't understand)
Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's living in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there's ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never know what your neighbors going through
(They don't understand)

A mother riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring not knowing what she's going through

This song shows how people get so concerned with whatever they are thinking about that they don't realize that other people are in the middle of their lives too. Things happen to people, and others don't realize this. There tends to be a reason why people are the way that they are (okay, not always, but most of the time). People tend to forget that things happen to other people too, and that they're not the only one who may be going through a rough time, or have had to go through a rough time. They think about their own lives and what they wan't not thinking about the feelings of another person. When someone is crying, you ask what you can do to help, not point out the fact that they are crying, helping them to become a target for those looking for someone to make fun of.

Sometimes it can be hard to remember that other people are going through their lives at the same time that you are going through yours. You are not the only one. You can't always know what is going on in someone's life. They won't always tell you if they are hurting or if there is something that is bothering them right now. You have no way of knowing, so think about it when you see people and talk to them. Because unless, they are your BFF, most likely, you never really know what they're going through.

The Same Mistake

Why is it that somethimes people can't help but to make the same mistake over and over again?

Trust. It can be a big mistake. You can trust a person easily when your little. Well, what happens when you're 8 and your best friend that you trust the most just learned the most important thing in your life right now. She learned what your greatest fear was. Not just some 8-year old fear, but a fear of something that can scare a person of any age. You tell that person and she laughs in your face. What then? You're young. You move on. The next year, you have new friends. They tell you that they care about you and you believe them. I mean, why wouldn't you? Then, they tell you that they don't like you and they don't want to be your friends anymore. So you move on. The next year, you have other friends, but your best friend treats you worse than their neighbor's dog. It just continues that way, year after year. Friend after friend. Hurt after hurt. Over and over again. You would think that eventually, you would learn that people don't always mean it when they say that they care. That, eventually, you would stop caring so much about people, but you can't stop. It keeps hurting. It hurts more and more. Taking the pieces of your heart and shreding them until your heart can no longer be fixed. You would think that after nearly another 8 years of the same hurt, you would learn to stop letting the same thing happen over and over again, but for some reason, you can't. It just keeps happening. Over and over again. Like a vicious cycle, around and around, with no end in sight.

I am blessed. I found Mei. She will be there. No matter what. For once, I can be sure that someone will be there. Someone won't leave me. Somehow, she managed to stick all the pieces of my heart back together. She won't just suddenly decide that she doesn't like me anymore. It's a joke that we have,
"You will always be my best friend, because you know too much"
We are stuck like glue, whether we like it or not. Thankfully, we DO like it...
And so while everyone else can leave me, I know that she will stay. So now it doesn't even matter if I make the same mistake anymore, because whe will always be there for when the next person leaves me. Even then, it won't hurt as bad because she is my best friend, and I won't need anyone else but her.

Angry at the World

Tell me, who can't be angry at the world. You get so mad that you just want to sit on the floor and cry, but you know that you can't do that. You can't let people see you hurting. Even when your in the dark, people are watching you. When you think that you are alone, they are there, to see if you cry, to watch you hurt. We don't live in a perfect world, far from it. We live in a world were people will leave you without a second thought about it. But you can't do anything about it. No matter how angry or sad you get, nothing can change it. You can get so mad that you want to hit something, to break it, but you can't becasue then you'll start breaking things or hurting yourself. At times it can seem that the entire world is against you and no matter how hard you fight their hold on you, they just keep getting stronger and stronger. The darkness IS amazing. They can't see you, can't watch you while you suffer, all they hear is the slightest hint of a sniffle. That's when they pounce. They know that you can hurt, and they don't care why. All they care about is that you do hurt, that now they have something to make fun of you for. They don't bother to make you feel better, to pull you away from your depression.



So every day, you hide behind the same mask. The one that makes everyone think that you are always happy. That you hape no care in the world. It makes them all think that you are always happy, spazzy, and excited about something. That is all that you let them see. You don't let the hurt show, the sadness, the anger at the world. You bury it deep inside of you where no one will see it through the mask that you hide behind. That's the point. You can't let anyone see it. They can't know that you hurt, that you're not as strong as they think you are, that you hurt too. You sing sad songs, you sing to yourself, you tell no one of the impending doom you hurt, of the the walls caving in and the world coming down. You just want to take all the hurt away, but there is no way to do it. There is nothing that you can do that will take it all away. Nothing that you can do will make it all go away. So you continue. You continue letting people think that you're happy, that there is nothing wrong in your world.

I am lucky. I have a place where I can go. Where I can let go of everything, where I can break down. Where I can share my hurt. It's a place where you don't have to be afraid. You hurt to a point where you don't think that you can hurt anymore, then you leave, you leave for the weekend. Out into the middle of nowhere where you can hurt, and show it, you don't have to hide behind your mask. You can be free. Though some still refuse to let it go. To share, to feel, they make themselves numb to the world. It puts a lot of anger in them. To everything, though, that is hidden behind the mask too. I don't blame them, it happens to everyone, and no one can deny it.

It's hard not to be angry.
Angry at youre parents.
Angry at the school.
Angry at the government.
Angry at your life.
Angry at the world.

It's all inside and there is no way to get it out....
It has been inside for too long...

Angry At The World.

Stupid thing to be angry right?
I can't let my anger out. I don't know what I'm angry at.
My sister yelled at me, and I almost attacked her. Instead Ijust slammed the door on her face.
I can't let any of my anger out. I can't hit anything. I can't tell anyone. Who could understand if I don't even understand why?
All I can do is cry. And write. Then again writing doesn't help. If I hit anything right now it'll break, or I'll hurt someone or myself. What's the point anymore?
I already do so much to hurt myself mentally and emotionally, what more will physically do?
Then again I do abuse myself physically, just through other means.
I dont' have an outlet anymore. I don't have anywhere to go when I'm angry.
How can I go to my family when they're a factor in my anger?
My true friends can't be there when I cry alone in the dark.
When they are there they make me so happy, but they can never get rid of this hatred.
I hate myself. I hate my family. I hate the government. I hate my teachers.
I hate the world for being the way it is. I hate life for being the way it is.
And i'm not doing a thing to change it.
I'm just crying and forcing my thoughts out through my fingers.
That's why I love the dark.
It doesn't only hide me, it hides the rest of the world from me. In the light you're so exposed. You see everyone, everything, all of it is revealed to you.
Why can't I be ignorant?
Why can't I be normal?
Why do I have to smile so much?
Why do I have to lovce, to feel emotion?

My head is exploding. My spasms are acting out. The room is spinning. In seconds there will be darkness again.