Self Destructive Tendencies

Have my experiences really been so horrible?

Maybe I'm just over reacting and being emotional but you know what. I"m angry. I'm angry and upset, and I hate going to bed upset. I hate it so much.
I hung up- God am I really writing about something so trivial and stupid?
I hung up because I had upset you, and I dont' want to do that. Because I'm stupid and getting clingy and am going to miss you this week. So yeah. I hung up on you because I miss you. Sorry i'm stupid.

But you know what. fuck you. fuck this shit. fuck today. fuck your birthday present. just fuck my life okay. fuck your temper. fuck your attitude. stop being a little bitch about it, man up. Your girlfriend hung up on you because she's freaking out okay?

Freaking out because the thoughts of is this going to really work, are creeping into my head.
freaking out because today i caught myself checking out another guy. freaking out because some guy gave me his phone numnber and i actually saved it to my phone. deleted it right after. but still i saved it.
i'm freaking out because my self destructive tendencies are kicking in again and here they are. but you know what?
fuck you for not being there through it. fuck you for adding a smiley face when you're angry. just fuck you because all i can think about is you. fuck you for me wanting to be with you. just fuck it all okay?