She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy

Okay. So maybe she doesn't think my tractor is sexy. I don't have a tractor. I bet if I had one she'd think it was sexy though! Haha... On Tuesday I leave for the trip MUN is taking for our Duke University Model United Nations. Usually we don't go to DUMUNC, but the Director General there this year is a former Tustin High School Secretary General (which for you non-MUNers is kinda like the main person in charge, usually the best delegate at the school). So yay we go to North Carolina, and then to Washington D.C.

By car, Durham is 2,521.33 miles from Tustin. That's a 37 hour and 36 minute drive from here to there. We're taking a plane, but that's just to show you how far we'll be traveling.

By car, Washington D.C. is 2,670.35 miles from Tustin. That's a 39 hour and 54 minute drive from here to plane. Not including traffic inbetween.

In Durham, the day we get there (February 18) the high will be 53 degrees Farenheit. The low is 36 degrees Farenheit.

In Washington D.C., the day we get there (February 22) the high will be... I don't know. The seven day forecast doesn't go high ahead, but there's a chance of snow looking at the weather patterns. Then again I'm no meteorologist.

We'll be back on February 26 around 8:45 P.M.

That's a nine day trip.

Nikki and I have never been apart for more than six days before. Not since... Wow for a couple years now, and only now we've only begun to be so close. Odd how that works out right?

So on this trip there's a couple people going. All people I know and generally talk to, but no one that's really a good friend. Maybe Annie, but we don't talk too much. What about my boyfriend? Ryan Scott Wassenaar. My wonderful and amazing boyfriend? Well, I don't think he'll be much company. I know the title makes no sense right now, bare/bear with me.

You're going to need background story for why I'm not feeling all girlfriendy lately. Wanting to be all close to him and whatnot.

Last weekend I was a supervisor at the Laguna MUN conference. I was sitting in the advisor's lounge and they were talking and joking around. I was talking to Mr. Trev, and I was mid-sentence saying, "Mr. Trev! I'm not the usual stereotype-" Then Mrs. Levine wonderfully cuts in and starts talking about of course not! I'm so dominant, and basically I have "the boyfriend" on a leash. How once when he was in her room, then was supposed to go out and meet me, he was worried about how slow he was going and that I would be upset he was taking so long... I felt bad about this, because I believe in relationships men should be dominant, and I know I'm naturally dominant, so I don't want him to feel that bad! So I talked to some of the advisors, who happen to be great influences in my life right now, about the idea. So called him, and asked about it. I asked him If he felt bad that I was so dominant all the time. He said Yes. When I asked why he wouldn't give me an answer. He sounded so depressed from even the first hello, and I was in such a good mood from the day. I enjoyed myself at the conference... And he was just so sad... It made me sad. Then me being who I am, I got mad at myself for getting sad because of him. But I can't help it. As I've said before it pains me to hear him in pain. Then I get home, sad and mad all in one odd little package. Look at my email, I got his papers. I downloaded them. Read the first sentence then said they were good. I skimmed later on, then read in detail. they really are great papers.

The im-Perfect Partner

I was mentally insane enough to choose a partner who I knew would have problems with my craving for perfection. A partner who I knew would have trouble keeping up, and who if he reached the par of my preference would be a miracle. A partner who I've never seen "in action". A partner who I know I conflict with at times, and one who I would take the chance at being highly disappointed in.



I am mentally sane enough though to choose a partner who I know will accept my perfection hunger, and try to satiate me as much as possible. A partner who would run miles for me literally, as well as try and make miracles happen. A partner who will work hard and do the best he can. A partner who I know I can work problems out with, and one who I am very proud of.



Why didn't I choose someone more stable? Someone who I know I would be able to win with. Who would exceed my expectations, and someone where I would become the one with the need to sprint just to keep up? Why didn't I push myself?



I am pushing myself. I'm forcing myself to pull someone else up. Instead of hooking myself to someone moving faster than me, ignoring everyone else who I leave behind, I'm pulling someone up. I complain all the time, about how much I feel like I'm doing, and how little my partner is doing. But he is my partner, and I only ask for his best. My partner's best is all I ask for. I know that is what he will give me.

I admit that the entire situation frustrates me yes. This is a good experience for me though. I know that together we can win. Together we can do anything at all. We could touch the stars I know we can! Because together we can do anything... Together... It's magic.

How else do you explain it? How else do you explain the fact we're still on good terms despite it all? Not just good terms, amazing terms. Wonderful terms! We could never be closer. I've never been closer to any other partner. I've never felt so close. Despite allt he differences, the conflicts, the misunderstandings, and miscommunications. Look at where we we are now?

We didn't win. We didn't lose either. He is my partner. In more ways then one. He is one of the most amazing ones that I have ever had.